Long distance relationships, known as LDRs in the internet community. Negative connotations are always associated with long distance relationships, even more that the casual “fun” buddy relationships—you know the one that only comes over late at night, most likely drunk, to have sex. The majority of people, i.e. everyone who is not or has not been in a (successful) long distance relationship, will say it is impossible for the relationship to survive. There’s the idea that you always have to worry about what the other is doing, who they are with, did they cheat on you (out of sight, out of mind)? Or if you are trustful of your significant other, you would have to worry if they would fall in love with someone else and the lack of visits would make it difficult to keep the spark alive. And there is the idea that both individuals would change too much to fit together after their separation is over.
Of course, all of those are logical and valid arguments to make against long distance relationships. However, they forget that love is an emotion and emotions are not logical at all. If a person is willing to go the distance, then it would be safe to assume that they are on some level of “in love” with each other. It is also important to point out that in the beginning of the separation the two are very hopeful and optimistic, and in the beginning of a relationship without separation the two are just as hopeful and optimistic. The distance does not make that much of an impact because relationships always require some work and there are many parallels between long distance relationships and non-long distance relationships.
Relationships vary greatly, but whether there are 800 miles separating a couple or they live in the same apartment building the relationship has the potential to end. You think, oh, but there are more causes for a long distance relationship to end! However, you forget about relationships (let’s pick on college students, seeing as I am one) on a college campus. Being on the same campus, most likely within walking distance of one another if you live on campus, causes the two to be together constantly. Eat breakfast together, go to class, if you are the same major you probably arrange schedules to match somewhat (yes, it happens), maybe lunch together, but definitely dinner together, then you hang out for a while or go to the library to study. Spending all that time together puts as much stress on a relationship as not spending enough time together, too. Relationships can be tough to handle in any situation, so 800 miles may contribute to the problem, but it does not always end it.
The constant worry of what the other is doing, etc, should not exist. If you are a person who is known to have trust issues, then long distance relationships probably would not work simply because even if your significant other lived close to you the relationship would have that difficult strain to get through. Trust is very important in long distance relationships because you have to believe that your significant other loves you and is being faithful, like you are being to them. Of course, technology makes it easy to keep in touch and simple text messages can be sent, “What’s up?” The question does not imply distrust; however, it implies curiosity and could simply be followed by, “How was your day?” Now, text messages are not good substitutes for communicating, but it is very common for the two to have busy schedules that may not match everyday or every other day.
Actual cheating is a secret fear of anyone in a relationship simply because it could happen to anyone in a relationship. Whether it was sober cheating or drunk cheating, it could happen. But that does mean everyone in a relationship is always on edge about getting cheated on. There is a level of trust that is given in the start of the relationship and if cheating occurs then by all means that trust is gone (and hopefully the cheater). It is impractical to apply “out of sight, out of mind” to long distance relationships only. If cheating is going to happen, it will happen whether you are out with your friends for the night or 800 miles away.
Another concept that can be applied to non-separated relationships as well as long distance relationships is the argument that one person might fall in love with someone else. What causes someone to fall in love with another person cannot be explained fully, but you could probably assume that it happens because they really were not happy or satisfied with their current relationship. And when one person is not happy, the other can usually tell. They might not want to admit it, but they know deep down there is something wrong with the relationship. Without good communication it is easy for either relationship type to dissolve. Let me reiterate, relationships take work ANYWHERE. There is not a magical situation where everyone is happy all the time and you live happily ever after.
Losing the spark in a long distance relationship is not as easy as one would think with visiting, phone calls, e-mails and the lovable Facebook. Visiting can be difficult depending on the distance and the funds. However, when people are “in love” (I use quotations because being in love varies) they usually do crazy things like buy a $500 ticket so their love can fly in for 3 days over Valentine’s Day. Get a job, have rich parents, split the cost every time. There are options, unless your significant other is in another country or in the Army, etc.
Phone calls are usually free because nearly everyone has a cell phone with nighttime and weekend minutes. Every long distance relationship varies with how often they need to talk: daily, every other day or just once a week. Whatever their need is, those phone calls provide a direct lifeline to your love. You may not be able to touch physically, but you can talk to one another normally. And with Skype you could actually see one another while talking. You learn about each other’s day(s) and their activities, so you know what is happening in their life. Reminiscing or talking about how much you miss each other (but not too much) usually reminds you that there is a reason you are trying so hard to make it in spite of the distance, which does not let the spark go out. It makes you fight to keep the spark alive.
Visiting helps more that phone calls in multiple ways, but it really helps so each can see how the other has changed since they last saw each other. People change over time, which is a fact. In non-separated relationships people change in ways that can be hard to maintain the current relationship, but they also change together. In long distance relationship changing together can be slightly harder. Just going away can change the person: make them more grown up, expose them to something they did not know about, etc. But it is up that person to share their experience with their significant other so they are not shocked and it is up to the other to be open-minded and accepting. Change can be good and with visits, change can be adapted. For very long distance, same country relationships visiting once a month is probably best. It may not be in the budget, so Skype and phone calls would be the key.
It is important for the negative Nancys to realize that relationships are work no matter the distance, and relationships fail for their various reasons, so if you dissuade someone from a long distance relationship you might as well dissuade them from a close distance relationship. Relationships of any kind are a chance; either it works out or not. Either way, you tried and end up with life experience.
